4/02/2015

10 Ways to Give Your Love Life a Spring Cleaning

categories: How To:

10 Ways to Give Your Love Life a Spring Cleaning

Ah, springtime – the quintessential time to get in sync with nature’s warm and sunny renewal and revamp your own environment. It’s refreshing and revitalizing to raid your closet, haul out a pile of clothes to sell or donate, and use the freed-up space and money to buy items that reflect the new you. It’s a satisfying breath of fresh air to snap on the gloves, grab the Swiffer and Clorox wipes, and give your place a deep cleaning. Why stop at merely revamping your physical surroundings? Give your love life a spring cleaning! What’s the point of basking in your freshly washed sheets if you’re dripping mascara tears onto your pillow? Sweep away the insecurities and take the emotional trash to the curb for a fresh start this spring!

1. Snap on the metaphorical gloves and assess the situation

It’s the difference between doing your makeup looking into a dimly-lit, steamed-up, grime-smeared bathroom mirror and a clean, polished, well-lit mirror. When you’re using a grimy mirror where you can only see the vague outline of your features, you think everything is okay. It’s only when you’re shocked by the clarity of a clean mirror that you see your unblended concealer, patches of missing foundation, and mismatched eyeliner wings. Much like wiping your mirror clean, wipe away the grime from the lens with which you view your love life.

2. Assess the situation and mess

Be honest. Some aspects will be like grime that’s tough to remove, and you’ll try to deny things or validate them. But it’s springtime, baby, so put on some cleaning gloves and face the dirty facts. You can’t shove things under the bed or throw things in the closet and claim cleanliness any longer. You can’t say, “Well, I’m a big girl, I can handle a certain degree of a-holery” or “I’ve always liked the bad boys, it’s just my type, so I can deal with them.” Really be honest with yourself. You can’t improve or achieve the full potential of a rewarding, satisfying love life if you have dirty dishes and trash piled up everywhere and say, “Oh, it’s okay, I’m used to this, so this is fine for me.” Uh-uh, honey. Do you settle for guys that don’t treat you well because you grew up watching your mom tolerate a subpar husband, so you’ve internalized that as normal? Do you stick with deadbeat boyfriends because hey, it’s better than being single?
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3/05/2015

6 More Honest Reasons Your Relationship Is Failing

categories: How To:, Relationship Experts

6 More Honest Reasons Why Your Love Life Sucks

7. Complacency

Comfort is ideal; complacency is poison. Comfort is knowing that you both still love each other even after gaining holiday weight; complacency is steadily gaining without a care. Comfort is cuddling up on weekends with no makeup and sweatpants; complacency is constantly looking unkempt with no effort whatsoever. Comfort is understanding that they have to postpone your dinner date because you know they have a big, urgent account at work; complacency is indefinitely postponing dates that slowly fade out of conversation, and neither of you notice or care.

Comfort is an important and valuable part of any relationship – what an amazing thing it is to have someone who loves you and wipes your nose even when you’re sick and greasy-faced, and who agrees with you that tonight is better spent staying in with a pizza and movie marathon. But complacency robs you of romance, love, and, ultimately, the relationship. Be careful not to confuse comfort with complacency. Complacency is when you stop making efforts to improve or maintain the relationship because you’re “comfortable.” It’s when you no longer bother to say good morning with a kiss, look good and attractive for your partner to keep the spark, or forge memories and a stronger connection with quality time. Would you be attracted to him if he never shaved and dressed like a slob all the time? Would your love remain strong if the only time you interacted with your partner was a grunt in the morning and being on your phones in the same room because “you agreed that you don’t need to put on a romantic show anymore?”

Be comfortable in your relationship! Know that he still thinks you’re beautiful when you wake up on a Sunday morning. But don’t take advantage of your partner’s love and acceptance and stop trying to impress them or make them feel special, adored, and worth making an effort for. Never stop dating your partner.

8. Falling in love with the idea, not the person

There are too many relationships based on this mistaken case of identity – someone falls in love with the idea of the relationship, not the actual person. You don’t love him – you love the feeling of getting roses sent to your office. You don’t love him for his personality – you love the presence of his name next to “in a relationship with” on your profile. You don’t love the time you spend together – you love the pictures of you as a couple that get you likes and sweet comments on social media.

Pinterest is filled with dream wedding boards that belong to women who have every detail and aspect of their wedding planned and ready to go – all that’s missing is the man. And they are often the type of woman that joyfully dives into a new relationship with lots of social media updates and texts to her friends about the cute story of how he asked her to be official. There’s not much said about the actual man and their true connection, but there’s a lot said about his romantic gestures and her hopes for future romantic endeavors. Examine your relationship and be honest with yourself. Are you here for the idea or the person?
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2/26/2015

6 Brutally Honest Reasons Your Love Life Sucks

categories: How To:, Relationship Experts

6 Brutally Honest Reasons Why Your Love Life Sucks

1. Not being over someone else yet

Rebounds – we’ve all had them. A rebound relationship can be a great (but unfair) way to move on from someone, particularly if that breakup really messed with us. However, a rebound relationship can backfire and leave you in a worse place than before on so many levels. First, you’re leading on someone who might be perfectly decent, loving, and really into you. You’re using an innocent for selfish means, whether it’s trying to make your ex jealous, show your ex that you’re “winning” by moving on so fast, or trying to soothe your own loneliness without true emotional investment. How would you feel if you found out that the person you’re dating and really like is only with you to show up his ex? Maybe he even likes you as a person, not just as an end to his means, but he thinks about his ex when he takes you out to dinner, he wishes it was his ex’s hand that he’s holding when he holds yours, and he wants it to be her that he’s falling asleep with – not you.

If you haven’t gotten over someone yet, your new relationship won’t be able to thrive. How could it thrive if you’re constantly keeping tabs on your ex? You’re kissing your new beau but your mind is fixated on the picture your ex got tagged in with someone attractive. If your body is here, but your heart is elsewhere, this relationship can’t work. You’ve got one foot on the train but the other foot is still on the platform – decide where you want to go.

2. “Playing the game”

This is one of the most pervasive, blatant, obnoxious, destructive, annoying, stupid, and hindering aspects of dating today. Playing the game. So many pointless rules that only frustrate yourself, your potential partner, and serve no purpose. Everyone is caught up in a vain and self-defeating contest to see who can care less – if he takes X minutes to response to your text, you have to wait X+10 minutes to reply to him; you can’t call her until at least two days after your date to show that you’re not desperate and that you have a life; you can’t double text even if you really want to talk because then you look clingy and like you have nothing better to do; you’re “talking/hanging out/a thing.” It’s an endless contest to “win” by showing that you care less than them. And you wonder why you can’t find and hold a good, strong relationship?

It’s a frustrating cycle that leaves both of you dry and waiting – if you waited 10 minutes to respond, he’s going to take 15, so then you take 20, and on and on – so ask yourself, what is the point? Does it really matter it you respond right away instead of staring at your phone and waiting for the minutes to pass until it’s “okay” to respond? Maybe you’ll actually have a real conversation with good back-and-forth if you just respond when you see his messages. Sure doesn’t seem like “winning” if you’re losing the opportunity to create and explore a meaningful relationship because you’re busy following the rules of today’s inane dating game.
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2/19/2015

10 Ways to Brighten Your Partner’s Morning

categories: Date Idea, How To:, Romantic Ideas

10 Ways to Brighten Your Partner's Morning!

1. Kiss them awake

The gentle sensation of soft lips pressing against your sleepy neck and trailing down your shoulder, the warm feeling of your partner’s mouth embracing yours. Comfort, closeness, and care in the form of kisses to ease a sleepy partner awake. No jarring alarms to begin the day with a twinge of annoyance. Start the day instead by stirring your sweetie to consciousness tenderly and lovingly, letting them wake up slowly to a feast of attention, affection, and love.

2. Tuck them in again

Many of us have the sorry situation of needing to wake up earlier than our partners – the groggy, unwilling lift of the comforter and the cold march to the shower. Meanwhile, our partners may or may not wake up when we get out of bed, sleepily blink a “good morning” to us, and spend a lucky extra hour back in dreamland. For those of us that need to wake up earlier than our sleeping beauties, give them a dose of affection when you wake up. Before you go shower, take some time to make them more comfortable – make their extra hour of sleep even more enjoyable. Wrap the blankets around them and cover the ankle that crept outside the comforter while they slept. Stroke their cheek and fluff their pillow. Make a blanket burrito out of them if they enjoy being wrapped up in warm, cozy blankets. It’ll warm up both of you emotionally and give you something to feel good about as you start your early day.
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2/09/2015

12 Meaningful Thoughts to Express to Your Valentine

categories: How To:, Love Quotes, Romantic Ideas

12 Meaningful Things to Express to Your Valentine!

1. “I’ve become a better person because of you.”

It is a deeply moving thing to hear – you meant so much to them and were such a positive influence that you pushed them to become a better person. They wanted to become a better person for you, and they became a better person because they met you. You gave their life new meaning and purpose. When they hear these words, they’ll have a sense of responsibility for loving you that gets validated and a feeling of humble honor as they think about all the ways you’ve improved their lives, too.

2. “I have never loved you more and I will never love you less than I do in today.”

This is a classic love quote, but take a moment to really consider what it signifies. My love for you grows each day. I love you more than yesterday, but less than I will love you tomorrow. Every day, I fall more and more in love with you. It lets them know that every day, they make you happier and happier and you find new things about them that make you love them even more. The more time you spend together, the more reasons you find to be grateful for having them as your partner. Your love deepens as time go by.

3. “The moment that I realized I loved you was when….”

You know you love each other, and you know that you fell in love somewhere along the way. Take some time to tell your sweetie when it was that you realized that you fell in love. It doesn’t have to a specific moment – for many people, it was a sudden realization one day that it had already happened. Tell them about that day. If there was a specific moment, your partner will feel touched to hear it and you’ll both reflect fondly to the beginning of your love.
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